This is The Babylon Bee News Show for the week of 9/4/2020.
In this episode of The Babylon Bee Podcast, Kyle and Ethan talk about the week’s big stories like a mysterious man with a jetpack spooking airline pilots approaching LAX, people are being karate chopped in the throat at church now, and wild bears are becoming regular customers at a convenience store. Kyle and Ethan also talk about rejected Babylon Bee headlines that for one reason or another didn’t make the cut. Also, Kyle and Ethan got turned into a cartoon and President Trump retweeted The Babylon Bee.
Bee Fan Zander sent us an awesome animation of Kyle’s origin story, where Kyle discovered he had super satirical powers, and we moved to a new office!
Stuff That’s Good
Kyle: HOPE Coffee
Ethan: The Monster Engine
Not The Bee has hit the ground running and will definitely be our go-to place for harvesting weird real news from now on .
Stories of the Week
Large Turnout At Memorial For Hans Gruber Who Was Thrown From A Building By A Police Officer
Summary: A huge crowd turned out Sunday for the memorial service of a victim of extreme police violence, Hans Gruber. Gruber was thrown from the top floor of Nakatomi Plaza by New York police officer John McClane, which many consider one of the most excessive uses of force ever witnessed. McClane was not even in his jurisdiction at the time of the crime.
Summary: Joe Biden conceded today that the Republican Convention was "alright," "pretty inspiring, to be honest," and "a real gas." But also said the Democratic Convention is going to be "even better” in a conversation with a department store mannequin. It was unclear how Biden got into the department store, as it's been out of business since 2013. Aides located him after they put out a Silver Alert and coaxed him into a windowless van by writing "FREE HAIR" on the side. They were then able to transport him safely back to the basement for storage until the election.
- Trump retweeted us
Summary: CNN has been there from the beginning, always running toward the important stories and absolutely never covering them up. We went through CNN's archives and dug up these 14 headlines they published while covering some of the most significant events of human history. They are truly a bastion of truth and honesty in journalism.
Topic of the Week
Babylon Bee Headlines We Never Published
We encounter another Susan out in the wild.
Kyle and Ethan lead subscribers on a tour our new office, talk about their plans for growth and where things have come, They also read some more of Ethan's and Kyle's very first headlines from the early days.
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